Introducing G-Fierce (Spoof!)

OMG! OMG! I can't wait to share this with you guys...

So Effie and I were swapping serial-tees (read: serial texts/chatting via texts) and then all of a sudden I met G-Fierce. She introduced herself as my alter-ego and I was like 'I'm sorry who?!' but yeah apparently she IS my alter-ego and decided to make herself known so she could feature on the blog.

I can't even describe her, she's just sooo cool, urbane and talented - she's a wonderful dancer or so she says anyway. She's like so...errmm...fierce! (she just taught me that word and I love it!) We are so different but also have things in common. I like Classical, jazz and some rnb but she's really into her crunk and gangsta rap. G-Fierce lives in Jacksonville, Florida while I live in Edinburgh but we both have sisters - her sister's name is Bilikisu and she lives in Lagos (I'm sure you guys will meet her soon). G-Fierce knows so many chewing gum tricks (she can practically build castles with the thing) while I can't even blow a bubble.

Okay enough of my trying to describe someone so awesome...I should let her do the talking...

G-Fierce: "Oh hell naw, b***h u had me steady trippin up in hurr! I been waitin on ur ass to get gone so amma talk to these peeps. Let 'em know who I be!
So hello y'all...I be da BootyClapping Champ of Jacksonville. I be holdin it down in ma hood with them boys Tyrone, Shaquil, Jonelle and my friend Boooneisha. Them boys be all up in ma Kool-Aid cos I is sexy like that but even Shanisha and Beyoinna know I don't roll like that! I'm all about ma African bruthas...uhn uhn! They fiiiooooonnnne!!! Ma lil'sis Bilkis been tellin me about all da sexy ass bruthas like 2face, Dbanj and that kid called Sauce. And I aint even gon front on that sh**...so I hit Gem up...she Nigerian. She be telling me y'all dont like them akatarrh gurls. Wassup wiv that y'all. I aint no akatarrh, amma sexy ass Black American woman, ya digg!

So anyhoo, who gone to da Booty Clappin parade in Norf Carolina tomurrrrrow?
Me and muh close homegurrrrl Booneisha gone to da Booty clappin parade to celebrates da end of the monf. Gurrrrl, from Jacksonville where we be at to Charlotte, Norf Carolina be a long ride but yo, itz all good, gurrrl. aight? we all good?So, who gone to da parade????? Don't front, it gone be mad off da hook, gurrrrl. If you wanna ride wiv us...we be at the Kool-Aid Fountain near Percy's aight! Safe, y'all!"

Wow, isn't she amazing?! She even sent me a pic of her some boys took when she was practising some intricate dance moves. Check it out ;-)



Anyway, that's all guys. Have a lovely week and a Happy New Month

Big Kiss X

20 Random Things You Didn’t Really Want to Know

1. I really want to be crazy about the Blackberry,
...but I feel like I downgraded, I miss my Iphone.

2. I really want a Distinction
...but it’s probably not going to happen

3. I really want to be your lil’ Miss Perfect
...but you will only get bored and bang Miss Trouble.

4. I really want to submit you to Turnitin,
...you seem like a plagiarised copy of my ex

5. I want to kiss MI, James Morrison, SauceKid and Dagrin
...yes, I think short guys are buff - I don’t have to jump to smooch!

6. I really shouldn’t get with the aforementioned guys
...I don’t want my kids to be dwarf-like

7. I really want my old body back
...cellulite aint a good look!

8. I really want to be skinny, but
...I hate the gym and I love my food!

9. I really want the best for my sister
...she’s the kindest, prettiest, smartest, everything-est person I know!

10. I really want to be a successful entrepreneur
...no ifs, no buts – I just want that badly

11. I want to be nonchalant and irrepressibly immature
...but age won’t let me – growing up is such a bitch!

12. I really don’t want a boyfriend
...seriously Mom!

13. I want my friends to be happy, healthy & prosperous
...they are not many but they stay loyal &I love them to bits!

14. I really wish I could stop disappointing people
...but I’m too lazy to try

15. I really want my Dad to be proud of me
...we fuss and fight but he’s the best!

16. I love Edinburgh
...on sunny days

17. I really wish naija guys could stop trying to change me
...seriously, na by force?!

18. I really want to hang out with my bestie, Goggles
...it’s been way too long B!

19. I really love my country
...but she breaks my heart every single day

20. I really love myself
...but you knew that already!

Big Kiss X

A different kind of love

I am what the French call, les fous d'Afrique - I am mad about Africa. I am even crazier about Nigeria and I've been missing home a whole lot recently. I have this project on Africa and the more I read books on my continent, the less I see of the world I know. So, in honour of St. Valentine, I thought it will be a good idea to share my sincere feelings of Home with you guys. I hope Africans will recognise their continent and themselves in these words and that non-Africans will glimpse deeper truths about that 'troubled continent'. Enjoy!

I miss u, my darling as I always do, but today is especially hard because the wind has been singing to me, and the song is that of our life together. I can almost feel u beneath me as I write this letter, and I can smell the smell of red hibiscus flowers that always remind me of u.

But at this moment, these things give me no pleasure. My visits have been less often, and I feel sometimes as if the greatest part of who I am is slowly slipping away. I am trying though. At night when I am alone, I call for u, and whenever my ache seems to be the greatest, you seem to find a way to return to me. Whether through a quick glimpse in the latest Nollywood offering or shared memories with old friends or in my dog-eared copy of Half of a Yellow Sun – you come back to me.

 Last week I remembered the sweetness of the red hibiscus. I remembered stuffing them in my pinafore and getting beaten for it. I remembered the red earth that typifies your beauty. I remembered the chaos, the darkness, the warmth, the pain, the laughter, the hustle, the bustle. I longed for you.

Last night, in my dream, I saw you. The wind was blowing through my hair, and my eyes held the fading sunlight.  I am struck as I see you. You are beautiful - a vision that I can never find anywhere else. I slowly begin to walk towards you, and when you finally turn to me, I notice that others have been watching you as well.

'Do u know him?' they ask me in pity-filled whispers, and as you smile at me, I simply answer with the truth...'better than my own heart'. They stare at me, amazed that I still love you. They see the tattered you, the diseased hateful you. They know you've failed me over and over again. They know we fight and we've both said horrible things. They know I left you for another. They think, 'what's there to love?!' I pay them no heed.

I stop when I reach u and you take me in your arms. I long for this moment more than any other. It is what I live for, and when I return your embrace, I give myself over to the moment, at peace once again. I bend down to grab a fistful of you and I wonder for a moment if you will pull away, if you will leave me but of course you dont.

You never have, and it is at times like this that I know what my purpose is in life. I am here to love you, to protect you, to enrich you, to care for you. I am here to learn from you and to receive your love in return. I am here because there is no other place to be.

But then, as always, a distant fog rises from the horizon, and I find that I grow fearful as it approaches. It slowly creeps in, enveloping the world around us, fencing us in as if to prevent escape. Like a rolling cloud, it blankets everything, closing, until there is nothing left but the two of us. I feel my throat begin to close and my eyes well up with tears because I feel helpless to what is about happen. The look u give me at that moment haunts me. You know you are about to betray me but yet you go, you go to those who continually abuse you. To the dirty gold-diggers that only want you for your wealth. You fail me once again.

The ache in my heart that had been silent for only a short time grows stronger as you release me. I long to go with you, to fight for you, but your only response is a sad long shameful stare. I watch with breaking heart as you slowly fade away. I find myself straining to remember everything about this moment, everything about you. But soon, always too soon, your image vanishes and the fog rolls back to its faraway place and the only image that remains is that of CNN and Mutallab.

I hate you in that moment. I think you are everything they say you are. But then I realise you do not know that I'm your wealth – I make you. You should have fallen long ago but I keep you. I am the guiding hand in the crook of your back. I am your compass, the wind in your sails. I lead and you follow. I have to save you to save myself. I have to go back, I have to find you. I have to start our journey with my own small step